So, actually

Some of these are sort of like that.

Yeah. ProWritingAid is flagging a lot of weak language. I was already aware of the missing commas and, on the other hand, comma splices, and the "tee-up" particles "like, actually, so," and so on.

And I'm fine with it. Really. I'm 2/3 of the way through a SECOND grammar and spell check (boy, am I tired of this book now) and the software keeps nattering at me about them, but I am fine. Really.

Because these are all good verbal tics for my narrator. Better than that, these are verbal tics that she can progressively lose as she gains confidence and poise through the series. She can use more certain language. More direct language.

Although I'd love to send her to Japan next and expose her to the whole idea of polite language and the weird way future tense echoes feminine speech. There isn't exactly a future tense in Japanese. There is a "It hasn't happened yet so we aren't sure how it is going to go" tense. And that's very similar to the "I'm just a poor woman who isn't certain of her facts" mode. Which is sort of related to polite speech, except polite speech is more about using flattering language on your superiors, the longer and more elaborate verb forms, and various bit of indirection; you don't say, "This is my friend Bob" you say, "Over in that direction is a person named Bob."

Sort of. I'm distorting things to make a point. Even if I've forgotten what the point it.

I also watched a few videos on "not like other girls" and similar harmful ways female characters are being written and portrayed. I missed here, too. Of course. I wrote my protagonist to be comfortable with her appearance (and sexuality). She sees no problem with caring about her appearance and liking to dress up and she doesn't consider that this has damn all with her equal willingness to rough-house and rock climb and all that.

Trouble is, the book didn't give her enough of a chance to show this. So instead there are just bits that stick out...in the middle of something seemingly unrelated she's suddenly gushing about shoes or worrying about her hair. I'm afraid it looks weird.

One more thing I hope I can do better in the London book.