Nice Marbling

Just figured out how I'm going to do the Yukira scenes and I've been re-reading to get my head back into where I left off writing last.

And it is not going well. I'm tired, my concentration is off. But it also feels like way too much stuff is going on.

The thing I tried with this book was concentrate on "raw" description more. To not name things or explain things but try to just throw lots of generic words at things. This being Japan, "old wood" and "shrubbery" show up way too much. Plus so many twisty little paths I've run out of synonyms for "twisty" and "path."

It doesn't seem to work. It feels like filler.

I'm also carrying over something from the last book or two; when there is something that is plot-important I mention it several times. And each time I call back to the previous references just to underline. But coming back to a chapter "cold" (that is, after being away from the book for a week), these "catch up" sections seem more like extra-dense textbook sections. If you've forgotten the original information, it isn't a recap; it is a first lesson, and it is a lot to digest. 

“Tried to lead an Army coup to restore the Emperor to power.” I didn’t like this, not at all. I kept bumping into the same theme and I didn’t believe in coincidences any more, not after the year I’d had. The Meiji Restoration, the shinsengumi and their failed counter-rebellion…all the way back to the Genpai War, when the Minamoto and the Taira fought to control the Emperor and ended with turning him into a mere puppet of the Shogunate.

So that's not really working, either.

What I'm thinking is that maybe the writing meat needs more fat. What I mean is; a couple of chapters later I've got her checking in at the Shinjuku Park Hyatt, and of course describing the setting along with her growing feeling of Imposter Syndrome as she picks up on just how expensive that place is. So there's a lot of words that the reader is going to try to figure out, like how does the decoration work or what do you see from the elevator or whatever. So more of that frustration of feeling like too much information is being thrown at them, even if none of it actually matters much.

Here's the alternate; go into detail about the stuff that doesn't need detail. Instead of "I flashed the key-card at the door and it opened with an electronic chime" (not actually in the book), "I pulled open the door and stepped through and closed the door after myself."

Where I actually realized this option was at the reception itself; that I could have chosen to do that in dialogue. That could be up to half a page of "Hello?" "Hello." "Do you have a reservation with us?" "Yes." "What is your name?" "Smith."

And, yes, it is this sort of belaboring of the minutia that characterizes the rightfully panned Empress Theresa and A Handbook for Mortals (both of which I watched caustic reviews of recently). But I do have to wonder if there isn't a happy medium somewhere. Not all fat...just a little nice marbling to make the meat easier to digest.